


Freefalling

by kelex



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-08
Updated: 2007-03-08
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelex/pseuds/kelex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex thinks that he's not good enough for Clark, and introduces him to someone who is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freefalling

## Freefalling

by Kel

[]()

* * *

Lex stared at the phone on his desk, torn between willing it to ring, and retaining the taunting silence. He half-willed it to ring, and then half-willed it to stay silent. 

It hardly seemed possible that a year had passed since Clark breathed life back into him. Countless times since, Clark had saved his life, but only that first time had those lips pressed against his, filling his lungs and warming his heart. He owed Clark his life that day; on every day since, Clark had earned his heart and soul. 

Dinner sat untouched on the pool table for the umpteenth day in a row -- Lex had realized that as soon as he introduced food into his system, it returned. It hadn't gotten really bad until he'd returned from Metropolis two weeks ago. He'd gone straight to Clark's -- he wasn't even bothering to kid himself any longer, he wanted to be with his young friend --and when he'd pulled into the drive he'd seen Chloe's red Falcon in front of the barn, and he hadn't bothered to interrupt. He'd spun gravel as he tore out of the driveway, shifting into high gear and driving _back_ to Metropolis and back to...God, he didn't even remember the name of the club. He just remembered popping a lot of pretty colored pills until he didn't even think of Clark. 

Too bad it had only lasted a night. 

And then his father the next morning. Bright sunlight streaming in the Metropolis penthouse, just as intolerable as his father's chastising presence. The drug cocktail of the previous night had not spared him his father's wrath. But then, it never had. Lionel had been all too glad to preach the sins of Lex's dissolution. Usually he was able to disregard his father's words, but this time, something that Lionel said had wounded him deeply. 

"You know, don't you, Lex? You know that you will never amount to anything as long as you're like this." Lionel had sneered. "Weak. Emotional. Ruled by your feelings and how much you want that Kent child. You think I don't know, Lex? It's that boy. He's slowly destroying you from the inside out. You were weak to let him in and you will end up destroying him to save yourself." A demeaning snort. "You were weak to let him in and you know it. I thought it would pass, once you'd seen that the boy is like everyone else in your life, but you've clung to this idiotic delusion that Clark is going to change your destiny, and he never will. Because you will never change, and you will drive him away in the end." 

Lex panicked. Lionel _knew_ him, knew every weakness and every feeling that he had. He'd wanted his father to be wrong, but he'd given voice to Lex's own greatest fear: that he would somehow end up destroying Clark, the one person who meant more to him than anyone else in the world. It wasn't enough that he'd shown weakness in front of his father, but he'd all but confirmed it by his behavior; he'd proven Lionel right. Not just about this, but about him. About _everything_. Lex was becoming everything that Lionel had predicted, and for only the second time in his life, Lex was terrified. He'd come back to Smallville half hung over and avoided Clark for three days until he felt sober enough to face the boy without flinching. 

After the third day, Clark had quit asking what was wrong; after the seventh, he'd quit coming around quite so much. 

Now, two weeks had passed, and an anniversary that Lex couldn't imagine Clark having forgotten had rolled around. He ached to see Clark; he wanted to touch the young man, be close to him, lean into his friend's personal space just enough to be sharing the same breaths. He wanted to feel the heat from Clark's body as Lex bent him over the table, first teaching him pool and then later making love to him in the same position. 

But no. Lionel was right. He couldn't have Clark. Because by having him, he'd destroy the innocent young man, destroy everything he treasured about Clark. If only there were a way he could give Clark what he deserved while protecting him from Lex...and then he knew. 

Of its own volition, his hand had picked up the phone and was dialing Clark's number before he could think of a reason not to. 

* * *

"I'll get it, Mom!" Clark sped into the house, shouting to Martha as she got out of the shower upstairs. "Hello?" 

"Clark. Just who I wanted to talk to." 

"Lex!" Clark couldn't keep the happiness from his voice; it had been several days since he'd seen his friend, and he was definitely beginning to miss their easy conversation, the never-mean verbal jabs that kept him on his toes. "I've missed you." 

There was a brief pause, and Clark could hear the soft exhalation of breath. "I missed you too, Clark." There was another catch on the other end of the phone, and then Lex's voice again. "I'm surprised you forgot today. Or did you have other plans?" 

Clark shook his head, though he knew Lex couldn't see him. "I wouldn't forget a day like today, Lex. Only...you've been so busy lately. I didn't...know if you'd have time to... you know, hang out with a kid." 

Another catch that sounded harsh to Clark's ears. "God. Is that -- never mind. If I've been working hard enough to give you that impression, then I need to take a break anyway. You want to-" 

"Yeah. I'd love to, Lex. Say...an hour, 'cause I've got to finish my chores here and then shower." 

"That's perfect. I'll see you in an hour, Clark." 

Clark hung up, and looked at Martha, who had come downstairs during the last part of Clark's conversation with Lex. "He remembered, Mom. He remembered." 

* * *

Lex hung up the phone and scrubbed at his eyes. Clark had thought -- Lex had _made_ Clark feel like he was less important to Lex than other things. Like work. Christ, his father was right. No matter what he did, he was going to end up hurting Clark. His nails were trimmed, and he felt nothing as he ran them up and down his arms. There was only one thing left for Lex to do. He hoped that it wasn't too late. 

* * *

Behind the locked door of his bedroom, Lex gazed at his reflection in the mirror. A long wig of burnished copper cascaded over his shoulders and the velvety sheen of his emerald dress shimmered in the light from the fireplace. Barely tinted lips pursed softly in the mirror as he touched up their coloration, and he sighed softly. There was only one thing missing, and Lex reached into the bottom drawer of the table to withdraw an ebony box. On the lid was Lena, embossed in gold. He rubbed his fingertips over the name before flipping the gold clasp open and lifting the lid. A delicate hand brought out the blown-glass teardrop that nestled safely in black velvet. Slipping the fine platinum chain around her neck, the teardrop fell to rest against the green velvet bodice of Lena's favorite dress. 

Reaching down to the floor, Lena slid a pair of soft-soled emerald slippers onto her feet, almost the exact shade of the gown, and then stood. The material of the dress swirled around her ankles, hiding their ivory slenderness from sight. Her hair was brushed artfully over her shoulders, covering the fact that her bosom was nearly flat. Her eyes were a bright silver, brought out by the barest hints of shadow and eyeliner on her face. She knew she was beautiful. Now, her only hope was that Clark thought so as well. Because if Lex couldn't allow himself to have Clark...perhaps Lena could take his place. 

Lena stretched her arms over her head. She hadn't been allowed out of her little space for over two years now, and she loved being out. Deep under the layers, she knew that she wasn't really a fully formed person. She knew she was just an insecure outgrowth of her darling Lex, but she loved him. She loved him very much, because he protected her and gave her everything she wanted, including the pretty necklace. 

She knew that she was just an act. But she was a good act. Because she would do anything to protect Lex. That's how she'd come about, after all. 

Five years ago, when Lex had been sixteen, Lionel had chewed him out more viciously than usual, and had barely managed to check the motion that would have turned into a slap to Lex's face. Instead, he threw Lex back out of the penthouse for the night, and he had been wandering the streets, alone, sobering up fast, and hurting. 

That's when he'd seen the necklace hanging on the corner of a street merchant's cart. Perfectly flawless teardrop crystal on a silver chain, and he'd bought it in an instant. It reminded him of his mother; flawless, sad sometimes, cold until she was warmed up by blankets and Lex curled up around her. 

Over the next week, Lex spent his time building Lena. Certain dresses, certain shades of makeup and certain shoes, they were all chosen as her wardrobe. Finally, he topped it off with the necklace, and the first time she'd looked at herself in the mirror, she'd seen his heartbreak in her own eyes, and she promised from that moment on, that she would always protect him. 

Just like Lillian had always protected her son. The dresses had been hers, rescued by a Lex too young to understand why Lionel wanted everything destroyed. When he'd gotten old enough to understand, the wig had been made to match his mother's hairstyle, and when Lex looked at himself in the mirror, he could almost pretend to see her staring back at him, the boy he'd once been hiding his face in her skirts. Lex had done that for years, every time he was upset, every time Lionel had coldly shut him out, screwed him over, or left him alone. He'd hidden behind the security blanket of his mother's memory, the faint scent of her clothes wrapping around her lost son as he wrapped her memory around him. He'd felt protected, cared for, and that slowly grew until the night he found the necklace, and Lena had been definitively developed. Now, she was here to protect him, and as she looked down at herself in the mirror one last time, she almost expected to see a small little boy, hiding his bald head in the folds of her skirt. 

* * *

Clark kicked himself into overdrive, rushing to finish his chores and jump into the shower. No way was he going to be late for his anniversary with Lex. He chastised himself for thinking that, feeling much like a thirteen year old girl instead of an almost-seventeen year old man. It was an important date and an important night, but there was no reason for Clark to think that Lex would want anything from him other than the friendship they'd carefully cultivated over the last year. 

Chloe had been here a couple of weeks ago, listening to him talk about Lex and she'd finally smiled sadly at him, put her hand on his arm, and said that it had been fun while it had lasted, but she knew his heart belonged to Lex. And that she hoped he told Lex. Soon. She'd even suggested tonight as the right time, and then kissed his cheek before leaving. Clark had sat alone in the barn for the rest of the night, knowing that Lex was due back from Metropolis and wondering if he would drop by and say hello as he always did. When no visit had been forthcoming, Clark had called the mansion the next morning and found out that Lex was late in returning, and due back that afternoon. Mollified that his friend hadn't forgotten him, Clark had settled back into his routine, and after a couple of days, he'd seen Lex. 

Enough with the remembrances; Clark had important places to be tonight. He tossed up the last bale of hay and dropped his gloves on the work table as he blew through the house on the way to the shower. He was clean, dressed in halfway spiffy clothes in less than five minutes, and on his way to Lex's in ten. 

The front gate was open for him, and Enrique greeted him at the door and then disappeared. "Lex?" Clark called out, using his X-ray vision to sweep the downstairs. "Lex, you down here?" There was no sign, and yet Clark walked to the office, peeking around the door and half expecting to find Lex working behind his desk. "Lex, c'mon. Where are you?" 

* * *

Lena unlocked the bedroom door as she heard Clark's voice downstairs. She didn't call out, knowing that her voice would not be a welcome answer to the young man's shouted inquiries. Instead, she smoothed down her dress and arranged herself artfully on the bed, her pose seductive while her dress concealed the promised body. Once she was arranged to her liking, she reached out and tipped the lamp from the bedside table, knowing that Clark would hear and would come to her. 

She straightened her dress again, slid her lips together to even out the color, running her fingers through her hair, adjusting it and fluffing it as she tried to appear as alluring as she possibly could. Her heartbeat picked up rapidly, almost pounding in her throat as she waited for her young man to come. 

* * *

Clark had already started climbing the large spiral staircase, but when he heard the crash, he picked up his pace. He was nearly running, and his stride swallowed the stairs three and four at a time as he moved. He looked through every room as he flew by it, and then skidded to a halt in front of Lex's bedroom. Looking in, he froze as he saw the achingly beautiful, velvet-clad body reclining on Lex's bed. "Lex? Is that...you?" 

Light pink lips opened as a soft whisper flowed out. "Hello, Clark." Lena's hand reached out to Clark across the distance separating them, and her delicately trimmed nails winked in the firelight as she gently wiggled them, encouraging him to draw closer. 

Clark's mouth opened to speak, but he found himself moving towards the woman reclining on Lex's bed. Her hand was still outstretched when he reached it, and the instant they touched, an almost electrifying spark jumped between them, and the woman gasped. Clark studied the flaring silver eyes that watched him from beneath lowered lashes, and gulped softly. 

They were Lex's eyes; he'd fantasized about them enough to know them in any disguise. As soon as he knew that, other things he should have seen before gave the woman's identity away. The curve of Lex's throat, adorned with a shimmering crystal teardrop that shone palely in the firelight; the light scent of Lex's expensive cologne still lingering under the heady scent of women's perfume. But it was the eyes, more than anything that gave it away. "Lex. I know it's you. What...?" 

Lena's finger gracefully pressed itself against Clark's lips. "Sssh, my beautiful boy. Don't." The finger moved, and Lena's hand slid to cup the back of Clark's head as she pulled the young man in for a kiss. Surprised not to feel him struggling, Lena guided Clark's head down until their lips were just barely whispering against each other. Her tongue darted out between her lips and licked softly at Clark's. "Open for me, Clark... please, let me in." 

Clark tingled as he felt Lex's breath skating across his lips, and he sighed. Trading his breath for Lex's, drawing his friend's exhalations into his own body, he opened his mouth against the sticky lips pressing to his. As soon as their tongues touched, Clark recognized the same taste he'd known so briefly as his mouth had pressed to Lex's, sharing breath so that Lex would live. 

Whimpering softly, Clark pulled away, feeling Lex's hands gently raking his shirt. "No, Lex. Not like this. I want you, not...this. Please, Lex." Clark's hands came to rest on delicate shoulders, pushing strands of silky hair out of the way. "If you want me, Lex...it has to be you." Clark didn't realize he was unconsciously repeating Lex's name, trying to bring his friend back to himself. 

Lena shook her head. "You must understand something, Clark. This...this is the only way I can make sure that you aren't hurt. That I'm not hurt. I can love you like this. You can love Lena." She brought her hand to stroke the teardrop carefully. "I've never hurt anyone, Clark. I've never killed anyone. I've never done the things that Lex has done. I'm...pure, Clark. Like you." Lena's hand dropped the teardrop pendant to trace the curve of Clark's cheekbone, felt his jaw twitch. "Lena can be the lover you deserve." 

Clark jerked himself away from Lex. "Christ, do you realize how creepy it is to hear you talking about yourself in the third person?" He shivered as a cold chill slid down his spine. "I don't care about what you think you've done, Lex. I don't. I know what you've done, and it's not that terrible. I have secrets too." He stopped to take a breath. "This isn't you," he continued, gesturing at the dress and the wig. "I don't want anyone but you, Lex." 

Lena moved to kneel on the bed as she gazed serenely at the angrily pacing youth. "Clark...your secrets, they're such little things. Whether Lex knows them or not is trivial; what he wants is all of you." 

There was a pause that Clark reacted to, taking an abortive step toward Lex before stopping. "What I want is infinitely simpler; I just want you to love me." She watched as Clark raised his hand to his mouth, wiping away all traces of her lipstick as he looked over his shoulder at her. "I never liked the taste of lipstick either. I can take it off if you like. But Clark...I'm safer for you than Lex is and he knows it. That's why I'm here tonight instead of him." Lena slithered off the bed and took two steps, closing the distance between herself and the young man. "I know you can love me, Clark. If you'll let yourself." 

Clark's hands shot out, his hands wrapping around Lex's arms, fingers touching around the bicep, and suddenly Clark was shocked at how thin Lex had become and he'd never noticed. "I'm sorry...Lena. But I can't love you." He took a deep breath. "You see... I'm already in love with someone else." 

Lena's eyes widened as her cheeks paled, and her hands came up to squeeze Clark's forearms, almost supporting herself against them as she felt herself growing dizzy. Her eyes dropped, unable to watch Clark anymore, unable to listen to him. 

Clark felt his throat tighten as he saw the reaction to his words, and he gently but firmly tipped Lex's face up to his. "I'm in love with Lex. He's the one that I want -- _need_ \-- in my life. His wisdom and his guidance, the advice he's always so willing to give me, his sarcasm that helps me to see the bigger picture. His smile, that makes me smile every time I see it." 

His hand rose to stroke Lex's cheek once, and then he released the other man and walked towards the door. "When Lex is ready to give me that...you have him call me." Clark's voice was a quiet, pained whisper as he paused at the threshold. He wanted to cry; he'd had so many hopes and desires for the night, for their special night, and now... it was gone. 

"Clark, wait." Lex's heart was caught in his throat as Clark walked to the door, and calling out to him was the only thing he could do. Desperation and fear of losing the one person he trusted and loved brought him back to himself, and even as he called out, he started jerking himself free of her trappings. Dress gone, thrown aside in a crumpled heap, wig flung as far away as he could get, green slippers kicked to the far corners. The necklace was last to go, yanked off and flung away and then he just stood there, head down, arms cruciform as he waited for Clark's judgment. 

Clark listened, his shoulders straightened to show that Lex had his attention. It was Lex's voice, not the woman's voice, and he acknowledged that. He heard a series of quiet thumps, and when he finally turned back to Lex, the coppery wig was thrown in the corner of the room and the green velvet dress was kicked to the side in a crumpled heap with the green slippers. Even the necklace was gone, and Lex stood naked before Clark. "Lex?" 

"Clark." Lex didn't dare to lift his head. "I'm so-" 

"Don't," Clark said quietly, his voice cracking. He crossed the space between them in a heartbeat, pulling Lex's arms down from their pose and putting them around his waist. "Just don't. Never again. Not this," he said, nodding back towards the crumpled dress in the corner. "But this... where I don't know who you are. This... where you shut me out, and won't let me help you." He wrapped his arms around Lex, held the smaller man tightly against his chest. "Swear to me, Lex. Don't shut me out again." 

Lex nodded against the protective shield of Clark's shoulder, breathing the boy's scent in as he leeched his warmth. "I give you my word, Clark. You will never see her again." He would promise Clark anything. Somehow this young man had forced Lex to see himself through Clark's eyes, and once he had, Lex _knew_ his fears were unfounded, but he could not let them go until Clark's arms held him tightly. 

Clark slid his hand up Lex's back, softly caressing, then used the same hand to tilt Lex's face up to his. Without the wig and dress to hide his features and distract from his face, Clark noticed -- really noticed -- how sunken Lex's eyes were, how pale his skin was and how close to the surface his fragile bones were. "Is this why you were avoiding me?" Lex nodded silently, and Clark growled to himself. "I knew I should have barged in. How long have you been like this, Lex?" 

"Too long," Lex whispered in response. 

Cradling Lex gently in his arms, but still disturbed by the remains of the makeup on Lex's face, the young man sighed. "Come on. Let's get this cleaned off your face. Too tired to argue, Lex allowed himself to be carried into the large bathroom and sat where Clark positioned him. He watched as his friend brought out a soft washcloth from the tall cabinet and wet it with warm water before coming back to kneel between Lex's legs. Lifting the cloth, Clark rubbed delicately at his friend's face. He frowned as the makeup refused to budge, and he rocked back on his heels. "Lex?" 

There was a long, quiet pause as Lex studied the answer to the question Clark was asking him. "On the second shelf, behind the towels. It's in a blue bottle." He saw Clark waver, eyes dropping to his mouth and the desire to kiss was there, but the makeup stopped both of them. He would have wrung his hands, if he hadn't been so tired. Instead, he stayed in the same position Clark had arranged him in, chest tight and head aching. He could see, now, that he'd been a fool. Been a fool to think that Clark would have ever been satisfied with anything less than everything. 

"Okay." Clark barely restrained himself from pressing a kiss onto the glossy lips as he pushed himself to his feet and walked over to the cabinet. He looked hard, his x-ray vision kicking in and focusing through the towels to the blue bottle, and Clark's hand found it unerringly. There was a bag of soft cotton swabs beside the bottle, and Clark grabbed those too as he stepped back from the cabinet and looked back at Lex. 

Lex was sitting on the closed toilet, leaning against the cool marble countertop in almost the exact position that Clark had left him in. He looked thin and frail, and Clark was briefly angry with himself for not taking better care of his friend. Crossing the bathroom quickly, he knelt down again, and dampened one of the cotton swabs with the blue liquid. "Close your eyes." 

Lex blinked once before complying, and Clark raised his hand, delicately brushing the damp swab across each of Lex's eyelids. The cotton ball came away smudged with color and glitter, and he tossed it into the trash, instead picking up the cloth he'd had before and wiped away the last of the makeup and the remover. His eyes were finally clean of color and eyeliner, and Clark pressed a soft kiss on each eye before letting Lex open them. 

Cheeks were next, and Clark went through two more pads -- one on each side -- before wiping his face clean. Lex watched him quietly, and Clark pressed more kisses to the clean cheeks and forehead. 

The lipstick was the last to go, and Clark raised his hand to the back of Lex's head, steadying his friend as he wiped at the offensive color with a barely-moist pad. When he was done, he picked up the washcloth a final time and wiped the last traces away. Only when Lex's face was completely his own again did Clark softly kiss his lips. "Lex...I never want to see you like this again." Clark's whisper was positively agonized. "How can I save you?" 

Lex reached up to gently caress Clark's face. "Don't let me push you away; don't let me destroy the both of us. I need you, Clark. But I know that in the end, I will destroy you, just as I have everyone else I've dared to care about. But I need you, Clark. I need you to be strong...need you to dare to love me back." 

Wrapping his arms around Lex's waist, Clark leaned forward to rest his head against Lex's stomach. "Of course I love you, Lex. God... how could I not?" His arms tightened, seeking reassurance as well as offering comfort. "I'm scared for you. I've never know you to be so-" 

"Weak?" Lex supplied, reaching for the first word that he knew to describe himself. _Weak, useless, worthless little boy..._

"Out of control," Clark finished with a small shake of his head. "You were a totally different person tonight. It scared me." Clark pressed a butterfly kiss to his friend's stomach. "I want to love you, if you'll let me." 

He was shocked by the correction; Clark didn't think he was weak. Suddenly, Lex realized something. Something very important. Clark would never think he was weak, or useless. Clark would never want anything else from him, except himself. He found himself nodding, then pulled Clark up from his knees as they both stood. "I'll let you," he promised softly, voice full of wonder. "My word on it." 

Kissing Lex again, it was more than a chaste press of lips together as he felt the other man opening under him. He felt Lex teaching him, carefully guiding their tongues together as Lex's hands rose to cup Clark's face. Immediately, Clark raised his own hands and covered Lex's, holding the touch he craved against his skin. Hungrily, he thrust his tongue back against Lex's. 

"Lex," was the breathy moan that escaped into his lover's mouth. 

Shaking his head, "Not yet. I can still...smell her. On me. Let me get clean." His voice had lost its tentativeness, and the Lex that Clark knew was back in control again. 

Resting on his heels, Clark watched as Lex's lithe body moved around the bathroom. "Lex..." 

Lex turned to face his friend. "Yes, Clark?" 

"It was you I wanted all along. Never her." Clark's eyes searched Lex's earnestly, trying to convey his honest feelings to the other man. 

Lex nodded once. "I know. But... I had to try to protect you." 

"I don't need to be protected from you." Clark crossed the room. "You're the only person I trust never to hurt me." 

Turning the water on in the shower, Lex held his hand out to his lover. "There's room for two," he offered softly. 

As the other man stepped into the stall, Clark realized that until that instant, he'd been totally unaware of Lex's physical nakedness -- the emotional nakedness had blinded him to everything else. Stripping quickly and carefully, Clark piled his clothing on the sink beside the shower and climbed in. "This is really the first shower I've shared with anyone outside of gym class," he said against the back of Lex's neck. 

"And I hope it won't be your last," he said, tilting his head back slightly to look at Clark standing behind him. "Care to wash my back?" 

Clark hissed softly as he looked down and saw Lex's skin already reddening under the harsh spray of the showerhead, and he put his hand under it. "Jesus. Are you trying to scald yourself?" 

Leaning back against Clark, Lex let the boy see the angry red welts around his throat where he'd scrubbed the perfume off. "Just trying to get clean." 

Clark reached around and took the soapy cloth from Lex's hand. "Let me, before you hurt yourself." A jolt ran through Clark's body as he realized how close a possibility that was. The scalding shower, the punishing scrubbing. "Lex." The words _I'll take care of you_ danced on Clark's tongue, but he knew they wouldn't be appreciated. 

"I'll be fine now," Lex said, his eyes closed as he leaned back against Clark. He sighed at the first gentle touch of soap on his skin. "I'll be just fine." 

Clark's fumbling hands reverently soaped Lex's body as he swallowed hard. The trust in the other man's voice only mirrored how Clark himself felt for his friend, and it awed him. Pulling Lex protectively against his body, he adjusted the shower spray to a more normal temperature and then watched as Lex rinsed himself off. Finally raising his head, Lex gave Clark the first smile he'd seen that afternoon. Clark's thumb traced Lex's smile, and then echoed it with one of his own. Lex _would_ be all right. Clark would see to it personally. "Lex... you make me want things. Things I don't know about. Not really, anyway. I know, though... I want them with you." 

Turning off the water, he pushed the door open and stepped out onto the fluffy white bathmat. "I'll show you, Clark. I'll tell you anything you want to know." 

Clark stepped out behind him and took a towel from the towel rack. Turning Lex around to face him, Clark wrapped his lover in the towel. "Show me how to make love to you." 

Lex caught Clark's eyes as the young man dried him off. "It'd be my pleasure." 

The comment made him blush, and he stammered out his reply. "I hope... that's kind of the idea." He grinned when he heard Lex's laughter, pulling his lover close and drinking it in. 

Pulling away long enough to finish his personal grooming, Lex splashed on more of Clark's favorite cologne. The Parisian cologne had a unique scent that he appreciated and Clark commented on it every time Lex wore it. He could see Clark's nostrils flaring in the mirror, and he ignored the fading red marks as he carefully applied the cologne. "It's going to be all right, Clark. You don't have to watch me like a hawk." 

Clark's blush grew. "I like watching you. I feel...it makes me feel special. 'Cause you let me. And you don't hide from me." 

Lex raised his eyes to meet the reflection of green eyes in the mirror. "It's a little too late for hiding things now, Clark." He shook his head when he saw the guilty look in the boy's eyes. "No -- I can't handle it right now," Lex confessed frankly. "Just... make love to me tonight, and tell me tomorrow. We'll deal with it then." 

"It won't change things?" Clark's voice was quietly fearful. "Not...after?" 

Lex turned from Clark's reflection to look at the real man. "Did seeing... her, change the way you felt about me?" 

"No." Clark didn't expand, and thankfully Lex didn't ask him to. 

"Then there's your answer." 

He led Clark quietly into the bedroom, and the young man sat on the edge of the bed as Lex picked up the wig and dress then crouched in front of the fire. As he picked up the dress, the crystal teardrop fell to the floor, and Lex picked it up, dangling it in front of him. He didn't want the fucking thing anymore; he didn't know why he had kept it in the first place. It was something he'd bought a long time ago, and it was past time to get rid of it. 

And her. 

He didn't need the safety net anymore. He didn't need _her_ to protect him anymore, because Clark would be protecting him. Clark... would never hurt him. Lex turned and threw the delicate necklace to the boy on the bed. "Clark...catch." 

Clark caught the necklace and studied his reflection in the teardrop pendant. A rustle of material caught his attention and pulled it away from the necklace and back to Lex. His friend had wadded the green dress into a tight ball and threw it onto the fire. Clark couldn't bear to see the beautiful gown destroyed, and he sped over, snatching it out of the flames before it could be consumed and patting out the smoking places with his hands. 

Lex said nothing, just threw the wig in next, and watched it burn. Clark went to his friend then, kneeling behind Lex's crouching body and pressing his cheek to his lover's spine. "I don't know what to say. I'm just glad it's you I'm with now... no matter how beautiful you were." 

Looking down at Clark's hands as they rested on his thighs, Lex spoke with quiet emphasis. "I'm glad too, Clark." One of the hands on him still held the necklace, and looking back, his voice was calm and his gaze was steady. "I don't want it anymore." 

Clark nodded, and pulled on the chain until the glass pendant was nestled in the cradle of his fist. He locked eyes with Lex, then closed his fingers around it. The sound of crunching glass echoed loudly in the otherwise silent room as he crushed the necklace. Broken shards splintered down further and further in the clasp of his hand until finally, he opened his grip and there was nothing left in his hand except the fine chain the pendant had been strung on, and a pile of dust. 

Wordlessly, Lex took Clark's hands between his own, brushing them clean of clinging sand particles and throwing the chain into the metal ashguard of the fireplace to be destroyed. He kissed Clark's palm softly, then rose to his feet. He went to the bed, pulling his friend behind him. "You know I want this." Clark nodded. "But that doesn't mean you have to do anything." 

"I want to, Lex." His hands moved to rest on Lex's hips. "I want... to be inside you." 

Lex climbed into the bed, then drew Clark down beside him. "You will be, Clark. I promise." He moved so that he and Clark were face to face, raising his hand and gently exploring the features that had haunted his dreams. "You're beautiful... soft skin. Full lips." His fingertips traced the line of Clark's jaw, then up again to tuck a lock of flyaway black hair behind his ear. "Not... what I expected." 

Clark was quiet and still while Lex touched him. "What did you expect?" he asked softly, pursing his lips and pressing a kiss to the fingertips that once again skated over his lips. 

"I'm not sure," Lex answered honestly. "This just isn't it. I didn't expect to have you here, I didn't expect to..." 

"Love me?" Clark supplied, leaning forward to cut off the flow of his lover's words with a kiss. A gentle taste, full lips pressing against scarred until Lex sighed quietly, opening his mouth and letting Clark steal his breath for an instant before taking it back and tasting him. 

A whimper vibrated in Clark's throat as he felt Lex's hand moving to stroke his throat, and he arched it as much as their joined mouths would allow. The feel of cool fingertips sliding over his warm skin made him shiver, but this time in pure delight as the exploratory touch slid lower. A light scrape of nails over his Adam's apple, a dip over the hollow beneath it, and the whimper escaped when Lex's mouth moved down to suck delicately over the skin his touch had just mapped out. 

Lex looked up at the sounds his lover was making, and smiled softly. He trailed biting kisses down the center of Clark's chest, dipping as low as his navel before sliding back up. "You can touch me, Clark...I won't break." He picked up Clark's left hand, which had been fisted in the sheets, and gentled it against his chest until the fingers were spread out. 

Clark let his hand still for just a moment, feeling the cool silkiness of Lex's skin, seeing the fragile bones too close to the surface, the thinness that almost broke his heart. "You might," Clark whispered back. Slowly he moved his hand over, feeling the heart pulsing beneath his touch, and trembled. It called him, and he leaned forward, pressing his mouth to it and kissing gently. 

"I won't ever break your heart," he mumbled into the skin. 

Sliding his hands through Clark's hair, he tilted the angelic face up to his. "I love you, Clark." It was the first time he'd spoken it aloud, and the words felt oddly at home on his tongue. 

Clark slid his hand up the older man's chest to the back of his neck, and pulled Lex's mouth down to his. "I love you, too," Clark reassured him, breathing the words into his lover. 

Smiling against the soft lips of his lover, Lex asked, "Are you ready?" he asked softly, his fingertips trailing down to sketch lightly over Clark's abdomen, tracing the well-defined muscles. 

"I'm ready," Clark nodded. His hands didn't shake and he was glad of it. 

"Then look in the table beside the bed; there should be a small squeeze bottle with a clear gel inside, and a box of condoms." Lex let his hand slide to the small of Clark's back, rubbing gently as he leaned over. 

Clark nodded shyly as he opened the drawer, pulling the items out. "Yeah. Here they are." 

Taking one the condoms from the box, Lex then took the box and set it to the side. Looking back at Clark, he held up the single packet. "Have you ever used one of these before?" 

Clark shook his head. "No. I never -- never needed to." 

"Then let me." Lex carefully tore the packet open, and rolled it slowly down Clark's hard shaft. "All right. Now, carefully...slick the condom all over, and your fingers too." Clark's hands trembled, and Lex gently steadied them as Clark squeezed out a generous amount of gel and spread it liberally over his fingers and his latex-covered erection. As Clark slicked himself, Lex propped one leg up, bending it at the knee so that he was open and exposed to his virginal lover. "Slowly, Clark. One finger. Press firmly, and stop if I tell you to." 

"Am I going to hurt you?" Clark gently spread Lex open and pressed his slick finger against the tight opening. "I don't want to hurt you, Lex." 

Hissing softly as Clark's finger pushed easily inside him, Lex moaned. _God, it felt good, and it had been too long._ "No...you feel good...you could never hurt me." Consciously relaxing his body, he felt his lover's finger slide deeper until it was buried completely. Wanting more, he opened his mouth to ask when Clark started moving. 

Lex caught his lip as Clark pulled out with exquisite slowness and then pushed back in. It took all of his self-control not to rock down on the probing finger. Leaning forward, he pulled himself up just enough to touch his mouth to Clark's, kissing him deeply and thrusting his tongue in teasing mimicry of Clark's motions. 

Clark bit down gently on his lover's lip as they kissed, carefully sliding his middle finger into Lex's body. He moved slowly, not wanting to hurt his lover, but when Lex moved against him, undulating his hips, Clark thrust his fingers deeply. The sudden motion wrung a harsh moan from Lex's throat, and Clark was immediately concerned. "God... did I hurt you?" 

A quick shake of Lex's head. "No...it felt good. It felt right." His hands gripped Clark's broad shoulders. "Now, Clark." 

"Are...you sure?" Clark moved hesitantly between Lex's legs and moved the already crooked leg to rest over his shoulder. Looking down, he saw Lex nodding, looking up at him with soft eyes that shimmered in the firelight. "You're sure." Clark's free hand guided his cock down to press at the opening his fingers had just stretched, and then with a quick stroke, he was in. The head spread the opening wider than his fingers had as his cock slid into Lex's body on a thick cushion of gel. 

Lex cried out softly as he was penetrated, feeling Clark's cock opening him up and filling him completely. Too many years to count since he'd let himself be taken, and his ass was feeling every inch of his lover's cock. He knew he'd be sore tomorrow, but for once, he didn't care. Because he was Clark's now. And nothing else mattered. 

Gathering Lex into his arms, Clark leaned over, thrusting slowly into the clinging tightness of his lover's body. Each press forward welcomed him with heat that embraced his cock, and each pull back left him feeling empty until he pushed forward into Lex's ass again. 

One thing resounded in Clark's mind, in rhythm with his strokes. 

_Home... home... home._

Lex was home for him; he never wanted to leave and as Lex moved against him, Clark's thrusts grew faster, harder and deeper. 

Lex's leg had slipped from Clark's shoulder and both limbs were now wrapped around his lover's waist as Clark rocked into him. His hands slid over Clark's chest, pulling him down into hot, fierce kisses as he pushed back up against Clark's hips, silently begging for more. 

Clark's weight pressed Lex down into the mattress, cock sliding easily and rapidly now in the furnace of his lover's body as he moved faster, picking up the rocking rhythm of Lex's hips as his own. Withdrawing nearly his entire length before slamming back in, Clark felt his lover responded with frantic cries and nipping kisses along his bicep. "Lex... touch yourself," Clark whispered, sweat dripping down to pool onto Lex's body as he thrust up. "I want to see you touch yourself... I want to see you come." 

Lex moved his hand to his cock, squeezing the length before starting to stroke. Clark watched, slowing his thrusts to match Lex's hand on his cock. Bodies moving in unison, Clark felt his own orgasm building as he watched Lex approach his own, and he stilled inside Lex's body. 

Looking down, Clark saw Lex's hand moving swiftly on his cock, speeding up as Clark stopped thrusting, and he whimpered. More whimpers came out as Lex rocked against his lover, using his muscles to massage the hard shaft inside of him. Fire built in his balls as he came, twisting slightly and riding his lover's cock as he poured his seed out between their bodies. 

Clenching his fists, Clark rode out Lex's orgasm, crying out his lover's name as he was squeezed tightly by Lex's passage, and then with three jagged, hard strokes, he came in a rush, teeth fastening on Lex's throat and mouth sucking the skin hard as he shuddered. 

Lex cried out as Clark marked him and then wrapped himself around the young man's wide frame as Clark eased himself to the bed beside Lex. "Lex... I... oh, God." 

Curling contentedly around his lover, Lex's voice was fragile and shaking, "It was. And yes, I know." 

Clark held him tightly and wrapped his arms protectively around Lex, "We'll be all right. I promise." 

The End 


End file.
